Chapter 20315476

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Chapter Number0 - I
Chapter TitleIntroduction
Chapter Urlhttp://nla.gov.au/nla.news-article20315476
Full Date1867-10-12
Page Number2
Corrections0
Word Count5626
IllustratedN
Last Corrected0000-00-00
Newspaper TitleThe Queenslander (Brisbane, Qld. : 1866 - 1939)
Trove TitleBobby Shuttle's Holiday
article text

BOBBY SHUTTLE'S HOLIDAY.

INTRODUCSHUN TO TH' STORY.

CHAPTER O.

WHEN aw wur a yung felly aw geet invoited to a ball, at which there wur to be lots o foine ladies. Aw would't ha said aye to th' invita. shun, but that Sayroh Spraggings wur to be one

oth perty, un hur un me had done a bit i'th sweet hertin lome, un aw wur indoined for doom a bit mooar. Were neaw mon nn woife. Awd one greight partikilurobjecshun to gooin, whicht under any'other circumstances, aw should neer ha undertaen to get ocr; that war, aw wur freetunt oth ceremony ut introducshun; aw couldn't satisfy my fears ut aw should get through wi credit; aw fancied aw should be awkurd un treighd uppo somebuddy's toes ; un, I in imaginashun, aw could see nowt but a lot o wimmin's faces titterin un lowfin oather at my blunders or my awkurtness. Believe me, aw couldn't ha felt wuss if awd bin on the peighnt o beein hung. Just neaw aw feel that th' wust pert oth task at awve undertakken to perform is that o introducin mysel un my book to " a generous and discriminate public." Introduo shunB are never pleasant, unless they be in troducshuns to a big fortin, or a good dinner, or summat o that sort. Hooa con help feelin awkurd un quare on beein introduced to a perty, a multitude, a blushin yung lady, or a peawson ut wants to overhaul one's sins. Th' best fillosophy, aw believe, is to do uz is recom mended on gooin to a bath, not to stond frimblin, un ditherin, un shilly-shallyin on Jth' brink, but to goo bazz reet ocr th' yed at wonst. So witheawt any fur ceremony, loike Jimmy Stappleton's cat, aw'll make a bolt at my tale* It's no use, .heaweyer, just allow me US say' stertin off wi a lot o foine promises abeawt th' good things ut jtw intend to set before my readers. Aw leov urn, loike Tim Dootson's woife did her perty, to judge o my puddin makin, un my janius for spoice, by th' taste oth dainty when its put on th' table,—hopin, •till, as every author has a reet un a privilege to do, that my producshun ull foind a place on every family table wheere harmless fun, blended wi fillosophy, hailt wi a cheerin welcome. When awm awhoam, un ith good owd teawn in which aw catcht th' fust glimpsh o dayleet, awm i'Bowtun, or raythur, to be parttkilar i* statin my facts, aw live, as owd Jinny-o-Josses, o Tumfowt, used to say, when hoo wur roitin to th' war office abeawt some arrears o pay uf hoo thowt wur due to hur as th' mother uv a strappin soadiur ut deed ifch service oth Queen ith West Indies, " aw presoide just ith rhubarbs oth teawn;" un if anybuddy wants to know Ay age, in case they should be taen wi a fancy for becumminmy second woife, ith event (which God in his greight mercy forbid for yers to come) o my present owd woman deem, aw dun not moind tellin am ut awm i* my forty-fust yer. At th' beginnin o this yer aw met wi a deol o matter ith Manchester pappers abeawt th' Eggsibishun o Hert Treashuaes which wur to be oppent in a palace at Owd Traffort, i' May. Awd yerd a good bit concernin it before that, but awd not thowt mitch abeawt it. But when th' pappers begun to print lists o picturs un curious things ut th' Queen un noblemen i' different perto oth country had made up' their moinds to send deawn to th' eggsibishun, aw oouldn't help but begin to feel a bit o interest ith % consern. Every newspapperwelly ith th' country " begun to make a flourish o trumpets abeawt it; un as the buildin geet tort th' finiah/ their praises uv its beauty un oth richness un rarity oth treashures ut it wur destined to contain coom thicker un faster. Bobby, aw says to my self one mornin, after readin ith papper that Prince Albert had grayshusly condescended to be present at th' oppenin ceremony, theaw man have a trip ocr to Manchester at th' oppenin. day, un if theaw connot get into th' buildin to yer th' oppenin nomony gone through, un to feost thy een on th' grandeur oth scene, theaw may praps get a fair sect oth Queen's husband un oth other greight nobs un ull be ith pro oesshun to th' palace ; un theaw con sec also th' colors ut ull be shure to be flyin i' aw perts oth teawn, un th' decorashuns o public buildins un heawses un are awlus displayed in a loyal teawn loike Manchester on Bitch hauspishus oocashuns. But, tawkin to one's sel is rayther a ninny hommerish sort uv a practise; so aw leopt at wonst to th' oonclushun, loike th' speighker when he finisht o teetotal speech by jumpin amung th' creawd, that awd tawk to eawr Sayroh on th' subject, make hur a sharer o my intenshuns, un see if, for wonst hood not soar above hur owd porritch-makin un bobbin woindin habits, un go wi me to see th' grand foak un th' grand sects at Manchester. Ithappentto be abeawt breighkfust toime just then, so aw at wonst gien my shuttle its hawve-heawr's halladay, geet off th' seot-booart, un mogged up eawt oth loom-shop into th' heawse. Th' ushual mornin's eggsibishun, aw may just remerk, wur geoin on. Eawr Bill, un eawr Aybrum, un eawr Faiby Ann wur stonnin reawnd th' table, wi a bason un a plate a-piece be fore urn, un likin a spoon as a hint to their mother, who wur fiddlin away wi a porritch-sloice ith stiff Buchat pon, that as soon as ever hood the.ir allotted messes ready, they war quite pre pared to make short werk wi urn. Aw waited till th' porritch wur soided, un then me un my owd woman keawrt deawn to eawr coffee, havin fust sent eawt th' childer to play urn, that we met have eawr mornin meal in ! peace un quietness. Be it understood, heaw ever, that they'd each on un a buttycake i' their hont, a dainty allowed at th' close uv every porritoh-eitin beawt, just, as their mother had it, " to make up their meawths wi," Sayroh, aw says, as soon as ever we geet to th' eend oth fust cup, theaw's yerd o this greight Hert Eggsibishun, ut« to be i' Manchester, hastn't? A hert eggsibishun, Bobby ? hoo says, settin hur windows woide oppen, as if to let in mooar dayleet, wot mack uv a hert eggiibishun, for goodness sake ? Howd on, aw says, awm puttinit rung ; awm puttdn it rung; awm leovin eawt a word ; aw should ha said an eggsibishun o hert treashures. Well, hoo says, aw may be gawmless, but aw dunnotreetly catch at wot theaw xneons yet. Theaw knows aw awlus took thee to be my hert treashure. So theaw did, owd duck, aw says, un aw hope aw am so, un that awst awlus continue so. [ As lung as ever aw live, bobby, hoo onswert, ' no other treshure ull have a boidin place next ' my hert Therwrt still to me wot theavr wur : when we used to ramble together up Bobby-o- , Kutto's fields, un when we used to go eawt oth smook un th' bustle oth teown to owd Mary Qrinno's, uv a Sunday afternoon, to wawk abeawt in hur garden, un tak curran cakse un tay wi hur. Eh, aw says, thoose wur happy, days. Aw (

wur sunftheighne then; not a derk cleawd hung ocr eawr path. Un, let me see, Sayroh, theaw sent me a volantine wonst, wi a verse o thy own makin written in it. Wot war it? Does f recollect? Becollect! hoo exolaimt, awat never forget it, Bobby, for aw hum it ocr to mysel neawmonnj atoime; un does t' know, it works loike a chenn. Whenever theaw stops oawt a bit late, or gets a sope too mitch drink, or be's awkurt a bit loike ith heawse, un aw feel my blood gettin up, un my tnng pantin to blow thee up, that bit oth Terse chocks into my yed, un, as if by enchantment, my blood goes cool, my roising passhun slinks deawn ogen t my tung gies ocr pantin, un aw feel aw my desoire floite thoe smothert in a flood o lore, un recollecshuns oth gowden days ur youth. Just resoite that Terse neaw, aw says, for- its a lung toime sin aw yerd it, un my recollecshun on't is but very unsertin. Aw will, hoo Bays, un then hoo went on just as prattUy as if hood bin sayin a piece at skoo :— ??' t^^^ 6 °} have> un lt dweUs next mrhert, Un wl that dear treashnre for worlds old not pert: Come winter, come summer, come storm, or come calm. Bob's love is to me the best cordial balm. ™"ax>vm"Uf That's it, aw says, un as th' chap says ith play, when aw yer it, " heaw th' owd toime comes ocr me j" aw feel as if aw wur livin my sweethertin days ocr ogen. But, abeawt theete hert treashures ut are to be made a show on at Manchester. Aye, well, hoo says, just gie me an insect into th' meonin on urn. Let's know wot they're up to ith big city. Well, aw says, they're buildin, or have built, which comes to th' same thing ith lung ran, a palace, un aw eawt o eighron welly un glass. Waw, then, hoo says, it nil be a dangerous gam to throw stones ith nayburhood. Raythur, aw says. But dunno interrupt me. As aw wur telling thee/they'n built this place, which they cawn a " palace," pertly wot because its fitch a wopper, pertly wot because it siteh a magnificent structure Heere, stop, hoo says, theaw knows awm not hee-larntj awm not loike Phil Hallowfs sow pig ut lived two days on an owd diokshunary, aw dunno gawm wot theaw meons by a " structor." A structure, aw says, for that*s the nattural way o proneawncifying th* word, is nobbut a foine substitute for th' word buildin or hediflce. Oh, hoo says, aw see, awm that mitch woiser then, so get on wi thy tale. Well, aw says, as aw wur tellin thee, they cawn this buildin a palace pertly wot because its sitch a wopper, pertly wot because its Bitch a magnificent structure, un pertly wot because its to be used for a grand and noble purpose. Un wot is that purpose ? hoo says. Awn cummin to that very peighnt, aw says, if theaw*ll husht. Its to be us«d for wot they cown an eddikashunal purpose—wot foak loike us would cawn a teiohable purpose. It nil be loike a Sunday skoo, then? hoo says. Nay, not exactly, aw says, a Sunday skoo, theaw knows, is a place wheere poor lads un wenches ut are workin aw th' wick reawnd get a bit o book lernin, an insect into Eh' Soripturs, a knowledge o religion, a talent for singin hymut, proper behaviour durin prayers, un a disposishun for piety. But this palace is in tended to cultivate W"mng th' masses a mooar pure un refoined un elevated taste for aw that's subloime un beautiful in hert. So its to be hung reawnd wi pictures, painted by the greightest painters uv different ages un to con tain images—skulptert figgers they cawn un— aynshuht hermour, bronze werk, specimens o cheyney, owd coins, owd furniture— Egodlin, hoo says, we may see owd funitare enoof, un not goo eawt o this street. Aye, aw says, but this owd farniture ut awm speighkin abeawt has belonged to greight foak in owd toimes, un is very curious un wonderful in workmanship. Un then, besoides aw these things, there's to be crinkum-crankums, un aw sorts o qoare, owd-faahunt, un valuable trinkla ments, sitch as aw connot desoroibe. Well, hoo says, awve no deawbt but it will be a grand sect. It nil be sitch a sect, aw says, uz some twenty yer back, when theaw rote thoose loines abeaw* thy hert treashure, or geet somebuddy to roite urn for thee, which is aw th' same to. me Nay, neaw Bobby, hoo says, noane o thy* slurrin, aw wrote thoose loines mysel, aw did for shure. Sink it, mon, my pen producshuna are so few, do let me ha credit for wot belongs to me. ** Well, aw says, theaw shall; but, sin we wur wed, theaw knows, awve never seen thee roite a lome abeawt owt; so we'll say ut when theaw went wi me to th' High Menial altar, th' torch ny Hymen so eawtdazzled th' feighur o thy own janius, that it freetunt it into inactivity for th' rest o thy loife. Neaw, theaw knows as weel as me, Bobby, hoo says, that when a woman gets wed un has a heawse to look after un a ruck o childer, hoo's summat else to do than spend hur toime i* roitin peotry. Aye, aw says, but theses plenty o wimmin ut aw know ut when they wur on th' hunt for a husband wur as industrious as spoiders, but when they geet wed they considert ut they'd summat else to spend their toime on than workin, un so took to novel reading, gossipm, un tay«drinkin. But awm not one o thoose sort, theaw knows, hoo says, un that makes aw th' difference, un gies me the best oth'argiment. Granted, aw says, for awm not obstinate; but, as aw wur sayin, this eggsibishun uU be one oth grandest sects ut ever wur to be seen i' this pert oth country, a sect which, twenty yer back, foak didn't nor couldn't dreom abeawt; un awve no deawbt but as, as a teichable agent, it ull be quite as good, if not better. Theaw meons, hoo says, it ull be oth two o mooar use than orniment, loike eawr Fee's nose. That's just my meonin, aw says, for its an opinion o moine that th' moind sooner grabs at owt when placed fizzically before it, than when it has to gether its ideas fro books. Books, ut course, are rare good things; aw wouldn't tak fro urn a yure's-breighd o their due, for by their help the thowts un discoveries un knowledge o men that live i' any uumav be honded deawn 'to th' last goneraflpa that's* privileged to anarch up fresh air un perform a pilgrimage on this earth; they make the moinds un deeds ut men, as it wur, immortal, un treashure up, for the benefit uv ages un ages to come, wot would otherwoise be nobbut benefiahal to a single age or generashun, But, for teichable purposes, they're not, aw think, so wcel cut eawt as objects. Crazy Betty's an object, chimed in eawr Sayroh; but i' wot way con hoo instruct a gawmless moind, better than .a book? Cone aw ha thee theere. -*r

Crazy Betty is an object, true, aw says, but heaw so ? Aoo's an object o pity. Wot aw meon by objects is things ut con be seen. Thus, for instance, eawr sawt-box is an object; un suppose aw wanted to gie one ut eawr childer an ideo oth shape on't, aw met tawk till aw wur dreigh ith meawth happen afore aw should perfect my job; but if aw could tet it on th' table before his een, un aay " Sithee, that's a sawt-box," it would be done in a minnit. Aw see neaw, hoo cays, wot theaw meons. Then, aw says, awTl saTe my woint a bit, un come to th' peighnt. Awve a desoire to goo to Manchester, nn see this greight eggsibishun, un to tak thee wi me; un as Prince Albert ull be theere on the oppenin day, nn as there'll be a grand processhun, un bands o music, un colon fly in. Un aw know not wot besoide, aw propose ut we tak a hallady, nn goo ocr on that day. But wot ull th' expense be*? hoo says. Waw, aw says, the railroad foak have had an angel-visit lately, un have had a bit o generosity crommed into nm, so they've dropt their thard class return tickets to Is. 6cL Eawr roidio, therefore, ull lie us i' 35., un it ull not tak mitch besoide. Aw'll gooa, Bobby, hoo says, if its nobbut to pleos thee. So, witheawt any fur preamble well say its settled, un neaw get to thy werk. Aw will, aw says, nn awTl try if between neaw un th' toime aw eonnot weighve an extri cut or two. Wi that aw went deawn into th' loom-shop agen, un never did a mon weighve wi a better hert than aw did, in expectashun that my in dustry would be rewerded by a sect oth grand eggsibuhan. Heere eendeth my Chapter o Introducshun.

BOBBY SHUTTLE.

Th* Fust Chaptxb. Th' fifth o May wur th' day set apert for th' oppenin oth grVght Hert Treashures Eggsibi shun at Manchester. Th' Awmenacks war aw nnanimooa i' aayin at it would leet on th' Tuesday, nn experience prored ut they war reet. Aa lock would hare it, th' mornin war a gradely noioa an—to use a superfoine word, ererytbin seemt propishua. Aw geet eawt o bed wi a leet hert, on brimful o hope un sweet antiaipaahun, just before that owd layrum clock ur eawrs made its neighsy anneawncement that it war six o'clock. Th' fust thing that aw did war to poo ap th' window-bloind un try my profishuncy in weatherology, on aw felt satisfied xrt we war boawnt hare a foine day. Th' sun had gotten np nn eawt afore me; it war msrchin away breawdly ith east, wi a face mooar than ushually breet. If awd not known a toothrey skynomical facts, aw should ha bin incloined to say that it ud had its chops French-poliaht or newly burnisht for the oc cayshon. Th' woint wur just blowin i' gentle puffs, as if is a state ut uncertainty whether to hare a play-day or not in honor oth ereut ut war to tak place.; un not a sengle black deawd had renturt to stroide across Birriton Poike, un show its sulky face ocr Lostock. To use a Cockner speech, " aw wur serene." Satisfied wi my obserraahuna areawt, aw pood in my yed, un informt Sayroh that the sky wur full o aoigns un tokens ut a foine day. Aw thowt it would be a foine day, hoo says, for yon cat ut eawrs war Tery quiet last night. Kawr Sayroh, yoa mun understand^ awlue feawnds hur opinions oth th' behaTionr ut eawr Peg. If hoo lies quiet on th' heawsestone, or, in wawkin across the heawse, mores as if hoo wur under a sollum impresshun ut th' family wur at prayers, that, eawr Sayroh says, is a shore soign nt th' next day is to be a Tery foine un; but if Miss Bawdrons whisks hur tail abeawt now un then, un twitches it as if a flea war boitin th' root on't, an runs harum-scarum abeawt the heawse, jumpin on th' cheors un off agen as if the scots wur red-woot, un makes sudden derts up-stairs un aiquilly as sudden rushes down ogen, un behares hersel generally aa if hoo war afflicted wi afitothcrazyskutters, then Sayroh concludes that th' followin day all be woindy an stormy. Bat for aw uz wen bin wed nigh twenty yer, aw mun confess that my obserrashun un experience dunnot qualify me to say whether hoo's reet or rung in hur theory. Beaoide, hoo says ogen, fbindin ut my tang war still, isn't it nattural us it should be foine on titch-an occashun ? Its nattural to be foine, shore enoof, aw says, if th' woint's in a good temper, un th' deawds ut howd rain are far enoof off. But aw dunnot meon that, hoo says. Aw mean, isn't it nattural ox it should be foine when th' Queen's husband has to appear in a processhun ith oppen air? Its awlos foine when th' Queen goos fro whoam, on so aw ?oppose it awloa will be when hur good mon goos eawt too. Awre read summat oth sort somewheere, aw says; but aw oonnot say ut aw before ith noshun. Th' same Proridence ut watches ocr Sings on Queens, watches ocr the meonest wretch that's in existence. Theaw knows th' owd book says that eren a sparrow connot faw to th' greawnd witheawt bein ramtirt. Kings on Queens, to be shure, on aw other greight foak ut peorch on the top stares oth ladder o society, hare oshuns a good things, un a theaw aand-fowd mooar meons o enjeighment than sitch'n as we; but that's not because Prori dence has selected urn fro th' mass to sheawr his blesshu on. They'n no better nattural gifts than we han. Amung th' poorer eend o society there's hundreds, aye, theawsands, blest wi strength ur limb, towfheas o conatitoshun, Tigior ur appetoite, on splendid general health; nn there's hundreds too wi gifts ur moind that add mooar glory to th' brow than a royal creawn, on at benefit monkoind mooar than aw th' pomp, un prade, un ceremony ur royal courts. Look at thee un me, neaw; we're poor —poor enoof, Qod knows, un we han to fag . ' hard enoof to fbind eawnels un eawr childer wi stummack fuel; but we manish eawr task, un cheerily; on we're blest wi honest herta un good disposishuas, un we lore'n one another, un eawr childer too, un th' childer lore us, un we respect eawr neyburs; on i' that lore un that respect we foind a sunaheigene that leets up thia eawr humble cot wi a blase o true happi ness sitch as hundreds o Dukes un other toitled grandees would be fain to purchase wi thy whole fortins. We con read abeawt Nepoleon o France, nn Bomba o Naples, un Francis Joseph o Auttria^fca, wot do we foind? Hot happiness; but lo^Lj ur terror nn apprehen ?hun, th' nattural consequences ut ambishun, hertieas misrule, bobbery, extonhun, tryanny, on a tramplin on Gad's best gift to mon— liberty or conshunce un freedom or thowt. Iheir courts may be decked wi royal pomp, their coffers may be full o gowd, their palaces mayroiral in splendor th' fabled grandeur de acroibed ith Babian Nights, nn they may ait on drink till meight un drink lose their aarrur, on they may wear the moast costly dooas, un hare hundreds o parasoites bourn flattery i'

their yer-holes fro mornin to neet, nn hare theawsands o servants to jump when they Bpeighk, tremble when they nod, nn fly when they command; un when they wawk forth in public their subjects may cringe, un kneel, on cry " Lung live your royal majesties!" nn rob their abject yeds i'th very dust abeawt their feet; but notwithstandin aw this,when they retoire into th' proivacy o their chambers un reflect, if.ten theawsand accosin angels dunnot harrow their conshunces till hell itsel seems gapin before urn' awm no fillosofer, un wot little study awve had o human naytur has bin as profitless as owd Tim Pilshaw's labbur when he tried to convert their Dick fro one sect to another by purrin him reawned th' yort. Waw, says eawr Sayroh, did owd Pilshaw do that? So its reported, aw says, un Pick, when he'd done, towd him he'd gien hissel a deol o trouble for nowt, for he'd bia appealin to th' rung eend. Well, Booby, hoo says, aw never yerd thee mat sitch a speech afore. Theaw man ha bin practisin for a doo i'th Temperance Haw, awm shure. Nay, aw says, awve not; my dander war up a bit that's aw, to think ut it Bhould even be supposed that Providence had blest Bitch wretches as awve bin tawkin abeawt, unafflicted us wi poverty nn teighl. They're greight, as th' word's used, which signifies that they're gianst in wickedness un fiend-loike tyranny; but in God's best gifts—honest herts, peaceful moinds, contented spirrits, conchunces void ut offence, hertnlessness uv disposishun, good-will to men, on a peawr to look forrnd with steadiness an confidence to th' future, they're as poor as rottens. There's not one, awil be bun, that dar spend a hawve-an-neawr in tjpntemplatin his fate when he leovs this earth un aw'll thoose mere ginscake glories, with which he's at present surreawnded. But, heaw abeawt eawr Queen nn hur has hand ? says Sayroh. Oh, God bless urn boath, aw says, they dun ; not belung to th' same breed as theese rasoots abroad. Wotever goos rung i' this country, they're not to blame fort. They*n booath on am gradely good Christian herts, on if they could, they would, make aw their "Subjects happy. Besoides, they're vartuous; they*n ne'er bin guilty o thoose durty intrigues un debauchers which disgribe so mony other creawn't yeds; un they look*n weel after their family un, nn, —to cut it short, Sayroh— they behave'n theirself loike foak ut understand th' responsibilities o their stayshun, nn nt believe that peawr wur trusted to rulers not to oppress, but to bless their subjects. Theaw's just my noshuns to a T, says Sayroh. but aw'll excuse thee for preichin any mooar just neaw. As theawrt dress, away wi thee deawn th' stairs, blash np th' feighur, on get on wi thy coffee makin. Aw will, aw says, un awTl do it loike a laddy cowt too. | So, aw pottert off deawn th' stairs, blasht up th' feighur, wich had bin raked at th' oer-neet, set th' kettle on, toidied up a bit, un get every thin ready for Sayroh un me enjeighin a com fortable breighfust. ' Just as it wur ready, on that war in abeawt three querters ut an heawr fro th' toime ut aw sterted o my job, eawr Sayroh wur ready too, un coom very gingerly down th' stain. Yoa known hood getten hur best Sunday boots on which hood bowt, un (as hoo loiked to express it) gien a gradely honest proice for at Beswick's shop i' Churchgate; un when hood thoose boots on hoo awlus lifted on her toes a bit nn wawkt as if hoo wur » woman in a stayshun o loife a little bit heeur than th' woife ut Bobby Shuttle, caddow wei|hvur. There met ha bin some magic abeawt th' soles. Aw fun, on casting a glent at hur, that hood put on her Tery best things ; aye, hood even pnt on her plumbblago stuff dress which hod bowt at Henry's i' Deinsgate, when hur sister Jinny war wed, un which hood declared often un often ogen, war too good to wear even on Sundays regilurly; nn ocr hur arm war a shawl ut hood bowt at Shellard un Hodgson's, Deinsgate, Manchester, last Aister Monday nn which hoo thinks is not to be aquilt for quality on proice i' aw Inglonshire. Hoo's bat had it on three times sin it wur bowt, on aw railly believe, though awm not quite shore, at hoo intends it to be hur a better shawl twenty yen hence. It wur a proof to me ut hoo lookt nn hur visit to Manchester as an important event, un, aw'll be bun, if th' truth war known, nt hoo had an beo rnnnin in hur yed that as hoo war gooin to a city wheere ladies would be fliterin abeawt welly as thick as beas in a butcher's shambles, hoo mut appear in hur best, un hood suffer by comparison: for—on aw say this in a whisper—wimmin are aw aloike, they cannot do wi been bowt wnss lookin than any baddy else. Its not proide, hawever, that's in but self-respect. At leort, we'll caw it that, un ha done wit. . As luck would hare it noane oth childer coom deawn to disturb us,except th' owdst wench; so we had caw breighf ust quietly; un awTl tell th' whole truth, if awm hong fort, we had to eawr coffee a little sope o rum. It wurn't o jny orderin, heawerer, though aw war as pleost as Punch to see it on th' table. Sayroh has some strung un ungetoerable reoson for snpposin that when foak goo tro whoam on th' railroad they're welly shore to have an attack oth bally wartch afore they gettin t' for-eend unless they tak, afore stertin, a meaahore o precaushon, an' hur meaahore o preoanshun is a smaw meashure o rum. Aw think* that hoo imagines ut th' wotd'ri-yoa-caw-it, nt roises fro th' injun-feighar, man act on th' bowels kimmioally, so as to produce the' groipes. Praps some fizzical felly ut reads my book may hare a better ideo on th' subject than me, un be able to say whether hoo's reet or not. When th' breighkfust wur ocr we geet ready to stert. Aw as aw had to do, ut course, wur to put my hat on, un just gie my cooat a bit ut I a brush—that cooat which has bin a friend nn protector to me for seven yers. Its made o good durable blue cloth, wi laps uv a gradely length | noane o yoar reawnd-jacket-cum-cooat cut, nor yoar fancy laps, which give to thoose ut wear urn th' appearance uv a greight Coaehin China cock, but a pair o respectable serviceable laps, that taper deawn gracefully till they reitch to th' kawres, un whilst ornimentin th' person, protect th' legs fro th' weather. But eawr Sayroh h«H a deol to do. Hoo had to give orders to th' owdest wench. Hoo mut maketh' childer'a porritch th' fast thing, un hoo mut moind un not put too mitch meighl in, for they didn't loike am riad; un then hoo mut give urn aw abeawt a hawve-a-sheighve ut a buttycake, un send urn to t' skoo. Then hoo mut soide up, un draw th' damper oth oon, nn at abeawt hawre-past ton hoo mat pat in a prato-pie, which hood getten ready th' neet before for th' dinner; un if anybuddy coom a sperrin for

oather hur fayther or hur, hoo mutn't leet on wheere they wur gone to, bat say just that they wurn't in, nn wouldn't be till neet. Then ith afternoon hoo war to wash up th' dinner-pott, mend some stockins, get th' childer some milk un loaf ready to their baggins; on hoo mutn't -keep too mitch coal on th' feighur; nor hoo mutn't, en any akeawnt, hare any childer ith heawse to make durt un hinder hor ut hn r werk; un if any oth childer misbehaved their sel whoile we wur away, hoo war to tell hur when we coom back ; un hoo should happen bring some goody back wi hur; if hoo did, thoose ut behaved theirsel should ha some, on thoose ut didn't should ha th' skin fleed off am wi th' rod astid. Havin gone through aw hur list ut instruc shuns, hoo went through it ogen, stertin fro another peighnt; un then ho played variashuns on different oitums; un then hoo finisht by appealin to th' wench to say whether or not hoo distinctly un completely understood hur. Th' onswer beein satisfactory, hoo proceeded to put on hur best bonnet, which is made o black silk, un, loike my cooat, bowels aw yoar modern faahuns on innoTashuns in indignant contempt. Some foak say uz it would look better if it wur less loike a ooal-box, un not so lung ith becket; but Sayroh despoises aw sitch critics, nn thinks ut they caw hur bonnet eawt ut a feelin ut enrj. Hoo next geet hur reticule, not one o yoar little gim-crack things, nt th' inventor nerer in tended to bear a bigger burden than a couple o oranges, a hawve-a-peawnd o Bossengers, an eawnce a tay, a medicine bottle, un a pocket* hankicher, bat a regular good serrioable recti cule, fit to goo to merkit wi—one which, as plain as if th' words had bin painted on th' soide on't, said, when Sayroh had itin hur hont, " This is •a sensible woman unhas a family." Insoide thia recticnle wur packt four poork pastita, which hood made th' day before, nn in which wur a toothrey pratoes as weel to seawk up the surplus grossness. Theeae wur to serre us for dinner on lunch ; un in addishun wur some brade un cheese for us to mumble at, some preserre cakes to make up eawr meawths wi, un a stone bottle fall o ram nn watter. Neaw, Bobby, hoo says, when hoo war ready, tae that numberell wi thee, for if it doesn't look loikely for rain neaw, there's no tellin wot may^ak place afore we get back. Theawrt reet, lass, aw says, ' Irot aw should neerha thowt o sitch a thing. So aw took howd oth numberell, which is made o green gingham, nn rail whalebooan, nn which be* lunged to Sayroh's mother. It war originally made to order, on, unloike thoote wee things ut they sell neaw, nil shelter three foak rery weel darin a sheawr. Thus we mercht off to th' railroad stayshtm, Sayroh carryin th' recticule on me th' num. berell, on awnoatist several oth naybart lookin after as as we went deawn th' street, on aw thowt they war enTyin as ut eawr journey. [ZEND OTH THK TUKt CHXPTZK.]